I just read a few of my friend's post and i reali admire the fact that some of their blogs are so open. There is a difference you know, in case you haven noticed, between sharing stories and sharing feelings.

Sometimes i think im a very private person.. i share stories, i share thoughts but what i can always never bring myself to do.. is to share my feelings. Why? Im not sure too.. Maybe i feel that nothing will change by sharing my feelings ...surface feelings like being happy, frustrated, pissed off.. that i can. BUt go deeper into my hopes, my inner most feelings about my friends, family and loved ones... i cant verbalise ani of those. For those rare few who ever had a glimspe in this area, oh how rare u are.

Sometimes i wonder and in fact for the past 3 days i ve been thinking of it. Is it just me or is everyone else like that? The obsession with perfection. Or am i becoming just a tad snobbish... maybe calling it an obsession is a kind of overstatment but is it wrong to indeed want the best? The choice to choose i call it. Why settle for anitihng less, i ask myself when you can have even more? Or maybe sometimes second best is the best?Is it true that the young like beautiful things? Everyone like beauiful things in fact.. but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. but then what happens when the whole place is filled with beautiful things such that you find that the norm and you now are onli attracted to the most beautiful one of all..

Maybe im just young and being ridiculous but these days when i look at her i think whats with the tone, whats with the attitude and what with that look... everything doesnt look ok at all... and its seriously bad to keep smth like this bottled up coz now i cant even talk civily with her and i think she must be thinking im a super temperamental person which of course im not you see. It isnt totally her fault too you see.. but i think its a snowball effect.

My paragraphs dont link.. coz my thoughts are hopping from one thing to another and back again coz i find it hard to truly and sincerely write down all of what i seriously feel about the whole affair.

Today i finally succumbed to that shopaholic in me.. I just had to make a trip down to Mango. and oh what a sight! Just like a war zone.. clothes shrewn all ard, well dressed ladies with armfuls of clothes pushing and shoving and the guys. Hahahha for a moment i paused and took a long look at them. Guys were standing ard , lingering near the fitting rooms or near the entrance with necks craned looking out for their galfriends admist the chaos. The more helpful ones will be tagging along behind their lady with armful of clothes and that occasional 2 cents worth of opinion. And then again theres the innovative kind that comes armed with their Engage phone or handheld game station. There they will stand engrossed in their games, oblivious to all and of course blocking the way... MY way to be exact.

Halfway through all the shoving and pushing i thought i may just faint. My feet was aching and needless to say my arms were hurting too from all the digging into the discount pile of clothes. My eyes were dry and tendrils of my hair was all coming off my clip. What a sight. And oh did i mention the snaking queue at the fitting room And AnD that tugging of ONE top between 2 ladies! There was this gal standing beside me trying to un-tangle a strappy top from the rest of the pile when *shoosh* a hand stretched out from duno where and grabbed on to that top as well. And so they proceeded to engage in a tugging match, much to my chargin.

In the end, i onli gt ONE top. ONe that looks like the one i wanted to get so badly from French Connection. except now i gt it at one fifth of the price! yeay!

And and and i just found out that my fav Korean brand of cosmetics is in town! The Face Shop at wisma.. Elation man.. someone givmme that VIP card! I m a fan ever since i went to Korea and now i dun use any other brand except lancome, estee lauder and ZA! hmm thats not THAT many right. ha aniway super glad that they are in town! then i dun need to keep buying in bulk whenever my friend goes over to korea!

Oh another thing, first thing in the morning, saw from the web that many of us gt into Camp Ideapolis! That got me into a freakin good mood right from the start man. Oh just imagine, what fun and what riots we are going to create! haha and then there's the exceptionally agreeable friend this morning who agreed to join something else!

A Saturday with HIgh Notes. *grinz*

-satisfied Princess-

Suddenly feel very sad. i feel as if im getting more and more distant from you guys who were once my closest pals. Thats why you know. I use to have such great hopes for us, but now we talk about different things, we do different things, we behave differently. Things just dun seem the same for us 3 animore. Maybe its because i dont see you guys often enough, maybe its because we have all grown up and we live for different things.

Now when i see you guys, i feel like im in the wrong place. Idun say it, you dun say it, but we all feel it. Dont say i dun make the effort because i do and im only human. Actually i duno what to say about us. No one can say i dun care about our friendship animore because i do. I duno what happened in between halfway but i became busier and busier and we met up less and less and both of you got to know the same ppl meet the same friends. But i never did bring my friends along did i?I know you guys made the effort to always make me feel comfortable.. but haiz.. i still dont. i dont play mahjong.. i cant stay up and spend nights with you all, you all hate coming out in the mornings.. or is this all an assumption on my part?

I used to think we were so good together.. maybe thats what i m most afraid of. Of having something so wonderful and then finding it slowly being eroded over time and taken away. People say its like these, ppl move on but i duno abt it. Is it always going to be like this. Today we say that we will always be there for each other, every birthday every gathering, and then 8 years down the road we drift apart. After all these years.. or were my expectations too high or maybe actually thats how you feel too. We never did talk about it at all did we?

I duno about 不在乎天长地久，只在乎成曾经拥有。。。because i hate to go through this. This was never my cup of tea. I still treasure us, that period we shared can never be replaced but now when i laugh ur not with me, when i cry ur not with me, when i need to share smth ur not with me.. ....

Is this how its gg to be like?

I will try to save this. Ihope you do too.

sadz

"The man is a success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Its almost something out of a drama serial.. after nine long years, i finally finally met up with my primary school friends. Or rather, they found me after nine long years. All thanks to the guys in army.. what wonderful networking they have.. A knows me in sec school and then A gt to know B in army and loo! they found me! like magic...

I had 41 classmates in primary school plus me, 42. And seriously i dun even have one of their numbers. NOt even a pathetic ONE. why? *shrugs* beats me.. haha im anti social? haha In the end, only 4 turned up last night. and me. 4 guys to be exact. and me.

This turnout seriously caught me by surprise,... BIG surprise!! when i met them, i cant even remember one guy's name.. soo i kept my ears open and caught his name when the other guy mentioned it.. so hilarious. That was a little stressful.

Dinner was a comic affair. I have no idea why BUT apparently of the guys called up his guyfriend to ask where was a good place to have dinner and we gt directed to OG.. ya u din see that wrongly. We gt directed to OG at orchard point. Apparently there was this cafe right in the corner of the third floor in the midst of all the racks of clothes and shoes.. I was so amused i totally laughed till wana cry.. .. I thought they going to let me do shopping! haha Hmm what can i say about this cafe.. hmm the table were made of glass and damn low.. and the food portion was just right for a group of ants..

Apart from that, in the end, im even surprised myself to say this but the guys were pretty much alright, even good at times. even after all these years, there was little awkard silence. *lots of army talk though!* All those silly things we did in primary school, future plans, teachers, missing classmates.. there was so much catching up to do. Did they change? Oh yes definitely, they did but so did i.

wELL all i can say is im sure glad i gt "found" by them after all these years!

*Grinzzz*

Took a cab home tonight and oh man what a ride.

NO 1. The cab driver drove like he was driving an F1 racing sports car. some one pls tell him he's not.

NO 2. His taxi has a cockroach!! and one that can fly too! Horrors of horror.. I first saw it on the front windscreen with the taxi uncle tryin to whack it.l Apparently he failed and it flew to the backof the taxi and hid somewhere. could hear it flapping its wings... scary. So scared that it would fly onto me...was seating at the edge of the taxi.. all the time so that i can dodge if it reali reali flys near me.. *shudders*

No 3. The freakin midnight surcharge is exhorbitant. And i mean it. The amount of surcharge is like.. terrible can.. in coming home like that tonight i have just weedled away close to more than 2 weeks lunch.. wow just think of that man..

You know, now the rage is on oil based cleanser like shu umera... today i reached home and wanted to take off the make up then i realised that the make up on the right side of my face so much easier to remove. Why? All thanks to our dear birthday boi who gave me a half face smear of cream and olive oil. Maybe thats why.. ... good make up remover.. after all its oil based too.. wahhahaha..

*yawnzzz*

Never thought i ll say this.. But i think im pmsing.. but its the totally wrong time of the month.. So i dun think i am.. but every song sounds a tad sad to me... and i m tearing at the most ridiculously unsad lyrics... even at jay chou's song.. my heart's tellin me that ohhhh what lovely lyrics, how meaningful. Then i feel smth and im starting to tear. Maybe its the mascara this morning. Or maybe i just lack sleep. You know how babies cry when they are restless......

Such close confidantes.

Now.

Its mine!! That's mine!

Now.

Such good friends.

Now.

Illusion or disillusion

which is it.

You own it.

Reali?

What about tml?

Constant you.

Everchanging them

No point.

.

change.

I read in Cinderellla that there are fairy godmothers. I read in sleeping beauty there are fairy godmothers. I read in .... there are fairy godmothers. Fairy godmother.

Is mine around?

Where's that magic in my life. A wave of the sparkling wand and loo behold... ... a splatter of magic dust. and then?

And then its all up to me...............................

I think thats what fairy godmother will say.

In the farthest end of the bus, that's where she sat. A picture of quiet concentration, she had her nose buried in a book and the wind blowing in her hair. It was a quiet night. Somewhere else, someone was whistling a tuneless tune. She felt someone staring at her.

She raised her head from the book and looked around. No one.

Then she felt it again.

She raised her head and what a sight greeted her.

She gasped and dropped her book. ........

Ever felt that you need more? more more more more.. ? greedy? i duno. un-satisfied? Maybe. What's that all about? haiz.. i also DUNO!

Want the best of everything? Who doesnt right? Its definitely wrong to expect a 100% output when you only give a 60% input. But who doesnt want that.. but when you put in a 100% input and get a 60% output, thats terrible. To me at least. Wheres all this going to?

SOmetimes i think if you just sit still and reali see ard you and listen, you may just get the enlightenment of your life. I did that recently and im still reeling from the shock of realisation. The dawn of reality. or maybe its all just an illusion. Im making a fuss.

Yesterday it just hit me that being human is all about being able to feel. To love to hate to cry to laugh. One day when you realise that you feel none of such things, none of anything then how? So i hate somethings, maybe i dislike you. and then again i love so many things, maybe i like you as well. 2 days later, i start disliking what you do and hate what i love. Then i start thinking i love them all in the end. Then what? Then i decided that its alright. Coz im human and i feel. So im not gg to blame myself for this confusing myraid of feelings. For liking some stuff and not liking some. For having good days and bad days. For crying and for laughing. For feeling.

Because im me.

And so i feel.

Was going to NTU for the camp ideapolis interview and taking the usual route. But met with an accident. Feeling tramatised and a tad confused now. The barrage of feelings coursing through me is ... hard to put down in words and hard to identify.

The fact that i am sitting here and typing this makes me appreciate so much more around me. This afternoon, as i was turning in from PIE, in front me was this huge trailer. There were 2 lanes, albeit a bit narrow. The trailer was on the right and me left. I was going on and then i simply felt there was no space for my car so i stopped at the side of the road to let the trailer pass instead of gg side by side with it and then who knows the driver changed his mind and decided that he wanted to turn left instead of right and then before i knew it, i saw the back of the trailer slammed into the side mirror and then into the front bumper tearing off the right head light. And all this happened on the driver side of the car. How terrible. And all that time, i was buckled into the driver's seat looking at it happen.

I was stunned but common sense told me to take down the trailer's number and then before i knew it, a man shoved a name card into my hands. It was all so chaotic. .. Haiz. had to call my dad down to the accident scene as well. ALthough i dun look like im in great shock, many thanks to daniel for coming down almost immediately and with a digicam as well. Thanks. Although there's nothing much both of us could do then. Your company was much appreciated in that time of chaos. At least i dun have to face the trailer driver myslef. And thanks to the rest who called to make sure all was ok. And then there were some who were more concerned abt the car....... how sad.

The worse thing was that trailer was a malaysian trailer so wana claim his insurance also difficult.. but the driver was an honest man. he wrote down his statement and admitted that the whole accident was his fault. o well. .. .

Those few moments and the moments after that... makes you think.

Would just like to say that my parents have been very understanding abt the whole thing and the fact that they said so long as im alright they are happy reali warms the heart. Thank you both so much. but im feeling a little guilty about how they would have to take the cab. But in the end im just feeling very thankful that no one was hurt in the accident. It makes me appreciate so much more around me.

A new perspective on things. People around me and the things that occupy my time. A hug says so much more. Thank you.

smashed by this trailer...

The damage done...