Feeling pampered and spoilt these few days. Thank you.

And I think I'm becoming a cry-baby.

That fear that gnaws at you.

That confusion.

The things you say that you dun mean

The things you dun say

Somethings

Some people may never know

And even if they do

The agony's yours to bear.

Now and forever

All just coz you allowed it.

You silly gal.

It never fails to amaze me how fast moods can change. When you can wake up feeling all perky and motivated to start the day and then feel not in control and down and out, all in a few hours time. The reason of course will onli be known to the mood swinger.

Its all in the mind maybe. BUt as they always say, you cant miss what you've never had. So is it better never to have or to have and miss it dearly later on in life? Some people may say that the former is the coward's way of lookin at things. To never have, to never know and thus never miss. It's almost living like a frog in a well. But the agony of tasting it once, short and sweet and knowing you ll never have it and always pining for it. Which is worse?

But some people like things short and sweet. We call them people who live for the moment. And yet there are others who cannot. People who store moments away in their memories drawers and bring them out now and then. People who need to think about where smth will lead them to in the future. And these are the people who find it hard to have flings. (jus a random thought " ) Reason being there's no future in flings. BUt of course there's always the unexpected. But we shall not go into that today because its a whole new story altogether.

And then i dun know how to continue this post coherently. There are random thoughts flying all over the places. And if I were to grab bits and pieces of key words, I would like to talk about the meaning of love right from the ancient times, i.e Greece. Where all the goddess and gods exist and all that happened then. And then I would like to write about the giver and receiver. Because one gives and the other receives and then the whole dynamism continues. There's a silent agreement. What happens when the giver stops giving one day and the receiver stops receiving? And now if I stretch out my hands again and grab at the flying words, I will want to write about this thing called exclusivity and the greatest lie of the century which is the illusion of having somthing which is non-existent. Its almost like a maths equation. The cruelty of the creating the illusion and the stupidity of believing in that illusion. But that's where magic comes about. And then now I think of my very practical and cynical friend who will probably scoff at all this and tell me that its all actually very manageable and there's really no need to complicate things to this extent.

I wish the sun will shine again.

It never fails to amaze me. This link. How should I start?

Each of us, unique and different individuals with our own thinking and logical processing. Isnt it amazing that we even say the same things at the same times sometimes? Maybe let's attribute it down to pure coincidence. Maybe once, twice and even thrice.

Sometimes it scares me that my precious needs to go into ICU when urs enter as well. I laughed it off the first time it happend, the second time it happened, I sat up and took notice and then when it ALWAYS happen, it reali scares me a little. Well but looking on the bright side, it does acts as a warning tool sometimes. hahaha..

I think about it and i ve decided to call it the METAPHYSICAL LINK. and what's that you ask? Here an example, as researched from the much used Wikipedia;

Sally is in the room, and we say Sally has a mind, we are surely going to say that Sally's mind is a different sort of thing from the apple (if it is a sort of thing at all). I might say that my mind is immaterial, but the apple is a material object, (although there is much disagreement amongst philosophers about the metaphysical status of minds). Moreover, it sounds a little strange to say that Sally's mind is located in any particular place; maybe we could say it is somewhere in the room; but the apple is obviously located in a particular place, namely on the middle of the table. It seems clear that minds are fundamentally different from physical bodies. But if so, how can something mental, like a decision to eat, cause a physical event to occur, like biting down on the apple? How are the mind and body causally interconnected if they are two totally different sorts of things? This is called the mind-body problem, which is now typically relegated to a philosophical subdiscipline called philosophy of mind. The mind-body problem is sometimes still considered part of metaphysics, however, perhaps the most profound problem belonging to this branch is the question of consciousness. No discipline has been able to explain what consciousness is or how it works.

Understand? I think I do. Take for example, you are thinking about calling a person. But how is it possible that in thinking of having that person call you, you can reali MAKE the person call you. Sometimes you think about the person and your phone rings.. and then u go wow.. now isnt that metaphysical?

I think I reali got scared last night. For that slight second, the wind in the room seemed stronger and it became colder and my heart beat faster and i got a tad nervous. Ok, maybe more than a tad. and my fingers got cold. hahah sounds super exaggerated. But yes, that was all that happened. I cannot for the umpteen time understand why i even asked that question. As I closed my eyes to go to bed, I kept asking myself why why why? And the answer I had was, all because I felt like it.

It was almost like an angel came by and whispered smth.. or maybe the air molecules vibrated the message across to me and thats why I asked what I asked. And then as I was contemplating about it, the water molecules in my shower further convinced me to ask. hahah or maybe or maybe. . .

Or maybe

Its just metaphysical. . . unexplainable.

I spent the first day of 2006 lazing in bed surrounded by fluffy pillows and my warm blanket armed with DAN BROWN's ANGELs and DEMONs. A very satisfying read i must say. I started the book last night at 11.30pm while nursing a dull throbbing ache and completed the intriguing story of around 6 hundred over pages tonight at 10.30pm sharp. Why i even bother to check the time today, i duno. ha Maybe its coz i have been doing nothing the whole day except go into the living room for a mere 10 min meal still grabbin on to the book. The onli time the book left my hands was when i needed to visit the washroom.

What I'm going to talk about now is not the story per say.. but my take on this habit of immersing myself in books. For that 8 or 9 hours in which you are immersed in the story, it takes your mind away.. away to that faraway place where exciting things happen and of course the main characters never ever die. Nice things always happen to them in the end. And so for that period of time, you forget about yourself. Now doesnt that sound strangely like escapism in the modern world? Unfortunately yes. But what isnt? Isnt watchin drama serials the same? In the last few years, with the hustle and bustle of all the things Imust do, Need to do, Want to do.. Ive neglected reading. But recently, its all starting to come back. Maybe its just an auto brain mechanism to want to fill itself with other things when under stress. Reading.. huge amounts of text calms me down.. to a certain extent. haha *ok that sounds a little weird now* Reading of course serves a higher purpose like educating the mind, enriching the soul but of course it brings you away too.On a naughty note, maybe thats why in chinese drama serials, you always have librarians being portrayed as someone with full fiery passions but being camouflaged with an outer cool veneer.

Maybe its all just a book cover.